last week

I sit in my living room at home for my last saturday night. In a week a new season will begin. I honestly don’t know what to think about it. Home has always been home. I have left for years at a time but always come back to it. But this time there may not be a back. Its a bit sad. I like my home. I am familiar with it. I know what floor boards creek. I know how to get around in the dark without walking into anything. I have lived in my bedroom since I was like 7. Thats almost 20 years. Thats a long time. Its going to be a rough parting. I love my room with slanted ceilings, little windows and a half bath. I will miss my seat at the dinner table. I will miss running across the road to get the mail. I will miss my dog, even if he annoys me when I’m cooking. I will miss those moments where we just sit or cuddle in silence. He’s always been there for me. I will miss my daddy. Watching tv in the evenings. Running errands together. Fixing and building together. I will most of all miss saying good night to him.

So as I look at my last week at home it will be filled with packing, and goodbyes not just to people but to my home.

Giving thanks.

My plan was to post one thing I am thankful for for the week leading up to tomorrow (Thanksgiving). But that didn't happen. Time passed and no blogs were written. I did ponder the topic at times thru the week. So here is a short list.

1. My family and being close to them. Sharing in the moments and memories. Like electrical trench digging, power outages cribbage games, church on sundays, and much more. 

2. My best friend. Its good to be closer than an ocean away from her. 

3. My dog. He keeps me company during the day. 

4. Having my kitchen back. All my pans and tools. 

5. My car and the freedom that comes with it. 

I know there is more than that. But this is just a few things I thought of.

Thankful #1

Last year today, well last night. I was in South Africa enjoying a traditional meal with my TLC family. We (the Americans) were teaching the other volunteers about jello salad being a side dish not a dessert. We were all enjoying warm apple pie and homemade pumpkin pies. It was also storming out. Lot of rain. Lots of thunder and lightning. It was a good thanksgiving dinner. I will always remember it but not because of all of that.

Little H soon after she was home at TLC.

But because it was the day little H was found. In the morning a little girl was brought into  the nursery. She had been found across the road. The guard from our neighbors house heard crying all night but couldn’t find her in the dark and storm. She was found in the morning. She is so little so cold. BUT that was the end to her hard entry into life. She was now safe at TLC where no child goes without being loved. After a couple days in the hospital to get her core temp back up she was at home. We were lucky enough to hold, feed, love and care for our little H for quite a few months. But the story got better. She got the best ending to this story/ beginning to the rest of her life that she could. She got a forever family. She has a Mommy and Daddy now, along with a brother and sister. It was such a great day to see her go home for good.

This is one of many reasons that I am SO VERY THANKFUL for TLC and Mama Thea and all the volunteers who give their lives and love to babies like H.

England -- Part 2

London with Lucy.

We were blessed to stay with Luy's cousin and his family.
We made the most out of our time. Saw lots. Heres a list.

Natural History Museum
Kinsington Gardens

London Eye

Parlement square a few times

Buckingham palace twice

Big Ben

A Boat tour

Tower of london

Trafalger Square

Covent Gradens

Portabello Market in Notting Hill

Traveled the Tube

Walked past Harrods

Saw the Greenwich mean time line.

Saw the pub where the Mayflower set off from

Saw the pub where Charles Dickens wrote a few books

Saw where they would hang up pirates so the tide would wash over them 4 times to exacute them.

Ate lunch near peter pan

Held hands with Nelson Mandela

Walked a bridge.

And much more all in 2.5 days. 

England --- Part One

Part one-- ELEANOR- Manchester

In Scarborough at the sea.

• After a very roomy flight (I had 2 seats to myself) over I was picked up by Elly and her dad. I got to be that person in the airport that runs with open arms for a long awaited reunion. It was so good to see her. 
• After a short drive home (to her house that sis) dropping my bags off in my room for the next few days we were down in the kitchen making cheese scones (she was, i watched) and catching up. Then it was a wet tour around her neighborhood. Then a trip to a large shopping mall. Dinner made by Elly with her parents. 
• The next day we headed to the sea. A train ride. Followed by a walk along the shore and a dinner of fish and chips. A night in the Royal Hotel. 
• The another train and a new city. A walk around the city on its historic wall. Lots of walking and looking and chatting filled the day. Then a train home. 
• Today was a bit quieter we went to a show in town. Saw a full double rainbow. Watched a movie and had pizza. 

Tomorrow we head to Lucy's in Birmingham. Elly is coming for the night. So the three of us will be together again.

Next stop -- England

So its been almost 2 months since leaving South Africa and TLC.
This reentry by far has been the hardest.
But this week. Tomorrow to be exact I will be heading to England for a couple weeks to be reunited with some of my co-volunteers. One is my little sister Elly and the other is a great friend Lucy. They will both be opening their homes and letting me crash. Im really excited to see where they live and their country but also to be back with people who understand TLC and what its like to leave it. And it will be my first time in Europe. I will try to update during the trip and if not then I will let you know how it went afterwards.

lost

Home a week.

Talk about being lost.
What does one do without the babies to hold and love that were normal and always there for a year.
What is next?
How do I feel?
What did I learn?
How am I changed?

So many questions and there are very little answers. I'm home but I don't feel like it. Where do I belong anymore.


And to top it all off I have lost my Africa. Its a necklace that I took years in finding left home because I didn't want to lose it and now its gone. I understand that its a small pendant. But it was so much more. It was a reminder. It was a piece of Africa that I kept with me because Africa has so much of me with it.

Its been tough. Ive tried to not think about anything this last week. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to spend my days crying. But I don't think I can keep it together much longer. Part of me just wants to run back to my babies and friends.

0 days--- Home

Home. What a word.

Yesterday home was a little cottage I shared with an amazing lady from Switzerland right next to a nursery filled with little ones who have stolen my heart. 

Today home is the house I grew up in.

 But I think yesterdays home is where my heart is still. I ache for it. Tears come every time I think of it. I miss those little ones and all my TLC family. Past volunteers weren't lying when they said that it sucks to leave and be home that it hurts like nothing else. I feel as if my heart was ripped out. 

I keep asking myself why did I come home. Why did I leave home. 

Somewhere in my I know it was time to leave. A part of me is excited to see what is next. But how could it ever beat what I just left. 

What I would give to be sitting in the hospital next to my little girl today. And I don't even like hospitals. I just ache to be there with her.  With them all.

1 day-- Bags are packed.

Its crazy how fast a year goes when you are staying busy loving babies. My bags are sitting in my cottage which I was still calling home 20 min ago. I'm hoping and praying that they are not too heavy. I kept a lot here. but I still ended up with a lot left. All the pictures and foot prints and things I cant part with.  In 30+ hours I will be back on US soil. Well in an airport.


I have started my goodbyes but more tears are to come. 

This little one didn't want to nap so I am spending my last minutes with him.