"you made me sad"

Disappointment.

noun
the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations

I experienced this last night. After a wonderful evening with the lions that included a bubble bath, movie night and evening walk. It all happened when I left the room to grab the milk. I often leave for a minute to go grab something and felt that I could. Now I don’t know. While playing dogs my lions actually “ate” a mattress. I walked back in the room with them all gathered around one of their beds with big holes in it and bits of plastic and stuffing on the floor. I got them into their beds right away and after a session of crying we talked about what happened. About how I was sad and how it was not good to bite things and ruin things. After they all said sorry to me and I gave them all kisses and told them I love them we went to bed.




I have never been this disappointed in one of my kids before. I don’t like the feeling. I don’t feel that I can ever leave them by themselves again. And I don’t think its an overreaction after a long day in the nursery. Its actually sad. They all know better. Every one of them. But for some reason they decided to put what they know behind them and go crazy.

As much as I was sad/angry/disappointed in them I wanted them to know that I still love them. That they were naughty but that doesn’t change my love for them.

I guess that is kind of how it works with God. We can mess up do something that we know is wrong but still do (sin) but he DOES still love us. No matter what we do it cant take His love away.



   

So even though I went to bed sad about the lions last night I went to be feeling secure that the Lord DOES love me. That He ALWAYS will.

My friday night.

Rocking 5 babies at one time.

love

There are moments that make we wonder what it will be like with my one kids.

The other night when one of our kids started walking on his own. He has had many obstacles to overcome in life. Him walking shows that He is a fighter. That he will continue to overcome all that is put in front of him. Many cried and many more were SO excited. A smile didn’t leave my face all night. Even days later seeing him walk makes me so proud of him and so happy. How will it be when my own kids start walking?

Just look at that face. Such joy.

Then there is when certain kids get up at 4am. WAY to early to start the day. Being on Night Shift this is the one thing you hope doesn’t happen. When it does you dread it. Will I be willing to get my kids out of bed and snuggle or play with them at 4am or will I want to roll over and sleep? My guess is it will depend on the day.
 

Then there are the messy meals. I mean mess who knew food could travel that far in one meal?

Or when a nestie cries and cries. Will I have more love and compassion with my own?


I love these kids. Each of them. Even the ones that get to me at times. I cant imagine loving someone more than I love some of these. But I know it will be different with my own.