lost

Home a week.

Talk about being lost.
What does one do without the babies to hold and love that were normal and always there for a year.
What is next?
How do I feel?
What did I learn?
How am I changed?

So many questions and there are very little answers. I'm home but I don't feel like it. Where do I belong anymore.


And to top it all off I have lost my Africa. Its a necklace that I took years in finding left home because I didn't want to lose it and now its gone. I understand that its a small pendant. But it was so much more. It was a reminder. It was a piece of Africa that I kept with me because Africa has so much of me with it.

Its been tough. Ive tried to not think about anything this last week. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to spend my days crying. But I don't think I can keep it together much longer. Part of me just wants to run back to my babies and friends.