more waiting.

Have you ever waited for something?

Isn't it stressful. In the sense that you just want it to come. Right now I have a few things I'm waiting for. Some exciting. Like a case for my new cell phone.

But one is stressful.

Or at least I'm stressing about it. I recently applied to something (tell you about it when its a good to go.) that I kind of am using as a test. A test in a sense that if I am suppose to go I will be accepted. If I'm not then the Lord will make it not go through.  Talk about stress. The only peace in the whole thing is if I do get accepted its the Lords will.

I really want to get accepted. If I am not then I'm going to have to figure what to do instead.

Uganda 2011

What I spent my summer doing.

aching

My heart aches tonight. 

It is dealing with a loss.

Changing seasons in life are some times easy and some times hard. This time it's HARD!

Trying to trust.

Trust.

When I think of that word I think of a kid first learning to ride a bike and trusting that dad wont let go of the seat. I think of a parent trusting that their kid will be okay when they go off to college. I think of having to walk on a rope bridge over a river.

Right now I think of taking a step and not knowing what lies ahead but knowing that the Lord does. That is where I am at. Ever since graduation college. Still cant believe I did that. I have been in a weird place in life. No longer a student not sure how to be an adult. Back living with my parents. Wanting to get back into missions but not sure how. And now I find myself at a fork. Or so it seems. Really the one thing that I need to do is trust.

Trust the Lord.
Trust that He has a plan.
Trust that that plan is good.

So a few weeks ago in my Quiet time I studied the word trust. Let me share what I found.

Definition.
A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone [GOD]
Acceptance of the truth of a statement with evidence [THE BIBLE].
Have confidence, hope

So then I looked up confidence.
Its synonyms are:  confide in, depend on, be sure of certain, in no doubt, hopeful

I came to the conclusion that for me right now...
Trust is...
    Not doubting God.
    Being confident in what He says [the bible] and does.
    Being sure of Him and His ways.

That is where I am each day deciding to do the three things above. To not doubt God and what He is doing in my life right now. I try to walk out being confident in Him on a daily basis and being sure of what He is doing in my life and others.

thoughts from church this morning.

Two lines from songs we sang at church to ponder and let hit home.

"I've finally found where I belong,

I've finally found where I belong,

in your presence."

I'm so caught up where I am physically. America or Africa. That I don't worry about what is really important. Being in His presence. His presence, with Him, is where I will be truly happy. If I were in Africa without Him with me I wouldn't be happy. If I continue to live here in America without Him as part of my everyday life allowing Him in I wont be happy.

"Your Love it never fails, it never gives up,

it never runs out on me."

No matter what He loves us. He loves you. He loves me. He loves the orphans with no families in Africa and He loves the children with computers and too many toys to count here in America. He loves those who are put together and He loves those who are falling apart.

I want...

I miss Africa.

America doesn't fit anymore. I am blessed to have been born and raised here. Free of all the hardships that my dear loved ones in Africa experience everyday. But I don't want to live here.

I want to be in Africa.

I want to walk down the street slowly and not feel like I'm being left behind.

I want tea to be a normal part of your day.

I want to bring what I have to give and share and show the Love of the LORD to those who don't know it.

I want to hold that child who never gets held.

I want to dance and sing at church and not be the only one.

I want to be able to walk down the road and stop and talk to people about how they are doing and have real conversations.

I want to watch children play in the streets with sticks and tires and not in their homes watching TV.

I want to look into the eyes of children who are desperate to look into anothers' eyes.

I want to drive on the other side of the road.

I want to pack my pack again and set off to change peoples lives and have my life changed in the process.

I want to bring light to the darkness.

I want to share the Love and truth that I know with anyone who will listen.

I want to be in Africa.

Having an oven again.

So being away from the oven for a bit. (I was in Uganda with an amazing team of girls doing mission work for a month) It's great being back and able to bake. Here are a couple pics of what I have made. Also to the list is blueberry galette, Raspberry galette, salted chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and cream cheese cookies with jam.

Rubarb Pie. Meringue added later.

Apple Blueberry Pie.

Being honest.

Do you think honesty has ever hurt someone?

I like to consider myself honest and real. I let people know how I’m feeling and what is going on in my head.

But could that hurt me?

Waiting.

So I’m in waiting.

Waiting for what way I will be going next.

I have graduated from culinary school. To some this means that I should go out a get a job in the food industry. But that is not where my heart is.

So where is my heart?
AFRICA. orphans. speaking truth. bringing light to the dark.

All may ask then why did you go to Culinary School? Well the answer to that is easy. The Lord told me to. I will do/go/be anything that He tells me to. I know that in the future my heart for missions and my heart for cooking will collide. What that looks like I have my dreams and hopes. But I am willing to lay those down for God if He calls me to it.

So what am I waiting for.
Specifically, I'm waiting to see if the Lord is calling me to Ga. I'm waiting to see if leading mission trips is something that He is calling me to. Or is there something different.

But honestly in all of this, I don’t want to be working where I'm working and living where I'm living. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RUT!!

This Blog is all my flesh. Some days it will come out more than others. I want a place where I can be honest. I have another blog but this one is for me and those I want to share it with and those who stumble upon it.