The REAL you.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who was looking back at you? Or find yourself saying and doing things that just aren’t you? When you are at work or with friends do they see YOU. Like the real thing. I'm not talking all your mistakes and secrets but do they see who God has made you. Your real character, your real laugh, your real feelings, your real smile. Or have you turned into someone who “fits in” better.

I had this realization last night at a team meeting. My leader was talking about how we all have US inside. The original the real thing. But because of what others say or think or do that gets morphed and changed. But the real thing is still there. While listening to this I realized that I am not true to the real me. I have allowed this group and place to scare me into being something different than what God has called me to be. Its not that I'm a totally different person. That's not it. But I hold back. I hide. For fear of hurt. I work with 20+ people from 20+ backgrounds and thoughts of life. 20+ people who are loving and wonderful people but we all at times don't let each other be the real them. Whether its because they are so different from us that its scary. Or that maybe they will offend me or I will offend them. Or because of a lack of knowledge of individuals. I just know that the Becca I see and hear each day is not the Becca that the Lord made. Its not the Becca who boarded the plane 5+ months ago. Its not the Becca my family knows. Its a Becca who is scared to be herself because others may not like it. Its a Becca who hides. Its a Becca who lets others words and actions hurt her. Its a Becca who may seem rigid, no fun, boring. Its a Becca who is hurting and who misses the SAFETY of past teams. Who misses being able to be herself. Who right now isn’t sure who the real Becca is.

But I think the first step to finding out is realizing that I haven’t been living it. That I haven’t been true to me. That I have let others make me into someone else. And the only person who should be allowed to do that is Jesus.

This isn’t a blog for you to feel sorry for me. Or for you to start treating me different. This is a blog I hope that makes you ask- “Am I being the real me?” “ Do I let others dictate who I am?” I realize that we all influence each other. That I have even blogged about it before. But it shouldn’t change your character, thinking and beliefs. Its should make you a stronger you not a scared hidden you.

A lesson being learned

Have you ever been assigned something that you didn't think you could do? Or had a task set in front of you that you saw as impossible? Have you ever discovered a hidden talent that the Lord blessed you with but saved for a rainy day? I have. When my leader Zoe first came to me with a picture of elephants, hippos, giraffes and even an elephant. I thought there is now way I can put that on the wall. At least not one that people see everyday all day long. I was nervous. I felt the need to practice. But, because life doesn't leave me time with enough energy to draw huge animals on the wall for fun I went in blind. Well, that is how it felt.

You know what I think I shocked myself as much as everyone who complimented me the next morning on my first days work. And only two hippos were on the wall. Everyone said and keeps saying "I cant do that". But that is exactly what I said to my self.

Now Im not saying that we are all secret artists who can paint huge murals on walls. But maybe we are. I bet each of us has been blessed with a skill that we don't think we have. Maybe its being able to do math without a calculator. Or naming all the capitals and states. Maybe its knowing how cars work or being able to calm screaming babies (Im working on that skill this year). Maybe its making people feel loved or building houses that will be made into homes. Maybe its raising your kids to to be the next world changers. What if we tried every time we said I cant do that and give ourselves a chance. I think we would all be surprised. Surprised at how brave, strong and kind of cool we are.

The Lord has equipped us all. And I think He's a creative God. Look out side there are trees that turn colors when they loose their food in the fall. Most beautiful just before death. There are animals that can close up into themselves for safety. Not everyone can be or should be a turtle but it works for them. There are animals who when a limb is lost they grow it back. There are flowers that only come out at night. The list goes on and on he made the animals and plants with cool skills that surprise us so why not give us skills that surprise us. We are his prise creation afterall,

Cup of Nations Finals.

 ter a long weekend. Sunday night I found myself still going. I and some others from the team were off to the Cup of Nations final where Burkina Fasso and Nigeria played. It was in the world cup stadium. Even though we were way high up. Like 6 from the last row. Officially the nose bleed section I think. After we all (5 of us girls.[Eleanor, Sarah M, Anne and I]) painfully made it up there (still sore from all the activity over the weekend) we settled in our seat and got ready. The game wasn’t the best and the team we were rooting for lost it was still a great experience. All the fans. The noise. The singing and dancing. Im glad that I went.

S

A TLC ADVENTURE

Volunteer weekend.

Our Adventure started with a very scenic route. We drove 4 hrs instead of the only 2 it took to get to our location. Bad directions. But we got a great view of the city. And we all were very thankful to get out of the bus in the end.

So our location was an adventure camp. We slept in dorms. It wasn’t as nice accommodations as last time but not bad at all. We did have some interesting bugs that hung out in the bathroom. One was bright green. He watched us brush our teeth.

Friday night we played a game like capture the flag in the dark in the African bush. Slightly dangerous. A few injuries. But I think we all had fun. After sleep the next morning we hiked up a small rock mountain and checked out the scenery. Beautiful. The morning was followed by more team builders. We had to collect items and make wind catchers. Then we had to make a shelter. Laila, Raymon and I were teamed up for that. We headed for the rocks. We found a great location. Made a great shelter that would totally be livable. It was fun. We found a scorpion and  some snake skin.

That afternoon we built and walked on a big A frame triangle. And did even more team builders. It was good to see how the group works together. The sad part was that since we are so big. 26. We were always split into two groups. But we always tried to mix it up.

That night we did a drumming circle. I wasn’t very good but I had fun. It was a huge fire and there were like 20 drums.

In the morning we went on a game drive. We saw zebra, baboons and an Eland (SAs biggest bok). Then we did an appreciation circle and told each other what we liked about them. It took like 3 hrs. Then lunch and drive home. When we got home there was a quick turn around for some of us. We were off to the Cup of Nations Final. Thats a soccer game.

Departures

One thing that comes with living with so many people is that they are always coming and going. We said goodbye to two sweet girls yesterday. They are off to travel the garden route then back to their homes in Germany. They were part of our Ubuntu group. This is what we call the group of us that were here from Sept to Dec. We had no one new and no one leave in that time. So we became a close group. Yesterday in the Grubs room were lots of tears. Lots of hugs and long faces. Its strange to think of Life at TLC without Sarah and Elin. Sarah was a joy. Always a smile and a laugh. I enjoyed working with her immensely. I have some really good memories connected to her. I didn't get as close to Elin but she was sweet. She loved the kids very much especially C. There will be something missing now at TLC because of their departure.

In the next month or so we will be saying a lot of goodbyes. Many of which will make a lot of us cry. You never realize how much of an impact someone leaves in you till they aren't there anymore. I am really glad that i am here this year and meeting so many new friends. I just wish sometimes that Goodbyes don't have to exist. Some of my new friends this year I wont be seeing again. Some I will.