The REAL you.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who was looking back at you? Or find yourself saying and doing things that just aren’t you? When you are at work or with friends do they see YOU. Like the real thing. I'm not talking all your mistakes and secrets but do they see who God has made you. Your real character, your real laugh, your real feelings, your real smile. Or have you turned into someone who “fits in” better.

I had this realization last night at a team meeting. My leader was talking about how we all have US inside. The original the real thing. But because of what others say or think or do that gets morphed and changed. But the real thing is still there. While listening to this I realized that I am not true to the real me. I have allowed this group and place to scare me into being something different than what God has called me to be. Its not that I'm a totally different person. That's not it. But I hold back. I hide. For fear of hurt. I work with 20+ people from 20+ backgrounds and thoughts of life. 20+ people who are loving and wonderful people but we all at times don't let each other be the real them. Whether its because they are so different from us that its scary. Or that maybe they will offend me or I will offend them. Or because of a lack of knowledge of individuals. I just know that the Becca I see and hear each day is not the Becca that the Lord made. Its not the Becca who boarded the plane 5+ months ago. Its not the Becca my family knows. Its a Becca who is scared to be herself because others may not like it. Its a Becca who hides. Its a Becca who lets others words and actions hurt her. Its a Becca who may seem rigid, no fun, boring. Its a Becca who is hurting and who misses the SAFETY of past teams. Who misses being able to be herself. Who right now isn’t sure who the real Becca is.

But I think the first step to finding out is realizing that I haven’t been living it. That I haven’t been true to me. That I have let others make me into someone else. And the only person who should be allowed to do that is Jesus.

This isn’t a blog for you to feel sorry for me. Or for you to start treating me different. This is a blog I hope that makes you ask- “Am I being the real me?” “ Do I let others dictate who I am?” I realize that we all influence each other. That I have even blogged about it before. But it shouldn’t change your character, thinking and beliefs. Its should make you a stronger you not a scared hidden you.