He likes me!

Last night for Dschool we watched a movie or listened to a sermon whichever. It was Chris Gore talking about living on this side of the cross. Meaning the new covenant.

 He talked about Living Grace vs. living the Law. 

If you are living the law then you are working FOR favor, love, victory. Where as if you are living Grace then you are working FROM favor, love, victory. For you already have them. You don't have to strive to acquire them. Jesus did that when he died on the cross. The Law (which is impossible for humans to fulfill) was fulfilled by Him.

There were two lines in the movie that stood out to me. One was:

He [God/Jesus] doesn't just love me, He likes me.

If you know me somewhat well you may have heard me say that I am called to love everyone. So when there is someone who I especially love I usually tell them I like them. So to think that is how God feels about me, it hit me. We think the same. I haven't really heard anyone else say that that way before besides me. It was cool.

The other...

I love Him, because He loves me. 

In this statement it shows that He did the loving first and because of him loving me, I love him.  His love for me is not conditional. It is not based on how much I love him. Which in view of many relationships I have had, this is how I have viewed how relationships are.

I want to carry these truth in my heart. I want them to change the way I see my and Gods relationship. I want to love Him because He love me not so that He will love me. I want to feel confident that He loves me each and everyday. To truly know that He wants to love me and chooses to be with me. Which he does.

The Greatest story

In class tonight we read a story and I want to share that story with you.

Its a story about God, the Most High God.

He created everything. He made the sky and the oceans. He made the birds, deer, lions and whales. He created man and woman. They had the most perfect relationship with God. They lived without fear or worry.

But, the enemy, a fallen angel who was consumed with power and pride, tricked woman and her husband into breaking the one rule with God. This caused Man and Woman to not be able to have a relationship with God. See God is pure and holy and man sinned. Man could no longer be around the Most High God.

But God still loved them so he gave them commandments to follow. But, they weren’t good at that. Eventually those were not followed. To make them right with God again God allowed Blood sacrifices to make things right. But, after a time everyone did sacrifices because that is what needs to be done but didn’t have the correct heart with it. It just became a thing to do.

Because of this Jesus came to earth.

While on earth Jesus preformed many miracles. He fed many with little. He raised a friend from the dead. He calmed storms, and healed the sick. He had power over all.

He never sinned. He was perfect.

God made the ultimate blood sacrifice, his son. Jesus died for everyone and their sins.

Now man can have a relationship with God again. We all have run away from God but he welcomes us back with open arms and a party.

He wants a relationship with us. He has done everything he has done to have just that. He allowed his son to die so that he can spend time, teach, encourage, and just be with us. So that we can feel his love, his hope and his grace. This is the greatest story to be a part of. This is a story that will change your life.

A year that was a year ago.

 

Our whole group (minus the sick ones) for sports day

Today marks 6 months living in Omaha and a year since I had to say my hardest goodbye yet. Can't believe its been a year since I was at TLC. Since I said good-bye to my sweet girl. To some of my closest friends, and to a place the has stolen my heart. A place that taught me so much about love and patience and friendships. A place that became family and my home for a year.
 

The grubs just before bed.

My sweet girl

Every day I think and miss those kids and my fellow volunteers. I miss my little girls laugh when I poke her tummy. I miss holding on to Johnnys hand while her fell asleep at night. I miss dance time with the creepies. I miss laying on the floor of the grubs room with all the beautiful babies learning how to sit and crawl and walk. I miss putting them all to bed and the end of the day, patting their backs till they slept. I miss pushing three kids in a stroller made for one. I miss evenings playing spoons or sipping wine while chatting in the hide. I miss planning days off with kids and then making them happen. I miss hugs from Mama Thea. I miss teas with Eleanor. I miss movies on breaks with Laila. I miss scrapbooking after shift with Elisabeth, Laila, Eleanor, Robert, and others. I miss walking up to the farm to get fresh eggs. I miss chasing chickens. I miss meetings with Zoe. I miss volunteer meetings when it was just us volunteers bonging and relaxing. I miss painting the nursery and making it more of a home for the kids. I miss trying to sweep up rice from the floor. I miss every once of it. Yeah there were times that weren't that great. Nights I would cry myself to sleep. Days I would get frustrated with co-volunteers. The good and the beautiful out shine all the dark and gloomy. I always remember the good. As each day passes those hard things are harder to remember. I was a year that will always be close to my heart. A year filled with smiles, laughs, crys, giggles, dances, walks, and crawls that will always be remembered.

The lions when I first arrived.

What a year it was. A year of cuddles, screams, long walks around the farm, jumps on the trampoline, visits to the chickens, turtles and cows, chats on the couch in the hide, drawing on the bathroom wall, changing nappies, reading stories, praying with the lions before bed, bath times, messy meals, trips to the outdoor fridge, day offs to the glen, meals out with great friends, swims in the pool with the best lions ever, piles and piles of laundry, and so so much more. 

My last night with the Lions.

Thank you to all who volunteered with me and made it a year I will NEVER forget.

Eleanor and I before the big game.

Saying goodbye

laying pretty guarding our house.

My dog Yukon died this past weekend. 

Yes there were tears and sobs. Still are once in a while when I think of him or a sappy pet food commercial comes on tv. Its funny how close you get to a dog. He was really a family member. He was a friend. We got Yukon when I was just a sophomore in High School. He took me thru High School, being a ear that listened and someone who was always there for me.   He will be missed greatly.

I will miss him laying pretty with his front legs crossed.

I will miss him begging for popcorn.

I will miss him talking to us after dinner wondering why he didn't get to clean the plates off.

I will miss him jumping in my trunk to go for a ride.

I will miss seeing him and his cousin play like they just might kill each other.

I will miss finding his hair everywhere.

I will miss his kisses.

I will miss the reaction I get when I come home from being gone and he gets really excited.

I will miss making an extra pancake for him.

I will miss talking on the phone with him, even though it was usually one sided. 

I didn't get the last final goodbye that I wanted with him. Dad called and told us he was sick Saturday afternoon, by that night he was gone. I just have to hold on to hope that he knew I loved him.

Thanks for being a great dog Yukon. See you again one day. 

Thoughts on the day.

Today I decided that Birthdays are one of the most awkward things. And I embrace awkward for the most part. But I don't know how to handle Birthdays. More specifically mine.

So today is that day. My birthday. But its not something you announce. Or do you?  Its 4:11pm and I have had only two people so far in person wish me Happy Birthday. I got two text and a voicemail. And of course Facebook messages. Some from close friends others people who Facebook told it was my birthday. I have a battle going on inside me each year. Do I want to make a big deal about it or do I go thru the day like it doesn't exist. When you get down to it its like a holiday that no one else celebrates.

I don't really know what I'm saying except I'm sitting here a year older, my birthday almost over not feeling very special. But is that my fault? I could cry now if I let myself. I spent 9 hours with people who acted like it was any other day. Which it was to them but not to me. But I'm not someone to shout it all over town. I guess I want people to choose to celebrate me. To take time and energy out of their day to say they think I'm something special that they would take time out for me. To show me they see me on any given day. I know I prefer the shadows. I don't what the spot light. But for one day out of the year I want to have things be about me.

April is a tough month. I have had some rough things happen in April so its not my favorite month, its just unlucky that my Birthday is in the mist of it all. But maybe its the silver lining. Maybe that is the gift God has given me for April. Its just most years it doesn't feel like a gift. Its one of the most lonely days there are. Like today all I can think about it how I wish I could get a hug from my daddy (He's back in Michigan) and a real long cuddle and giggle from my little girl (shes in South Africa).

I know I have confused my family for years. Not wanting to celebrate or ignoring this day. Its only so I don't get disappointed. But that usually happens anyways.

Maybe this blog felt like a sad story. Maybe it is or maybe its me starting to realize that I want my Birthday to be a big deal. Either way I wanted to share my feelings today.Maybe its a cry for help.

SPECIAL THANKS TO: My sister for the awesome mirror this morning at 530am. My best friend and her beautiful kids for the wonderful voice mail on my lunch break.

Would we need HIM?

I was just spending some quiet time in my room reading. At church we are all reading the same book right now( I was trying to get this weeks reading in). The Sunday sermon and small group chat is about it. Its a growing and learning as a church/community about it. At small group last week our leaders handed out a paper with Declarations on it. 23 things to speak aloud over ourselves and about ourselves. But to be honest there is one that I just don't believe.   

"My family and those connected to us are protected from disasters, disease, divorce, adultery, poverty, false accusation, foolish decision and all accidents." (Psalm 91)

I don't know if its that I have seen too much of that happen to those I love and my family. I have seen a good friend taken from this world too early because of foolish decisions and a accident while doing Gods work overseas. I have has friends attacked walking down the street in towns they love and minister in and pray for. I have seen a break in go too far for no good reason. I have lost two Aunts to cancer, an uncle to an accident and my grandmother to disease that took her long before she left this earth. I have seen poverty in many countries with my eyes and fallen in love with some who are caught in it and cant get out. I have seen parents abandon babies, neglect babies and give up babies.  I have seen almost everything this statement speaks against.

I am a very visual person. I believe what I see. I trust facts. I don't see this as truth.

I am struggling.

I wish it were easy to declare. But all of my eyes have seen and all my heart has heart keeps my mind and heart from trusting this statement.

I do believe that the Lord can work good from bad. That He is always with us and wont leave us. I believe that the Lord loves us and wants us to be safe and free from harm. But life and the enemy sometimes ruin that. This life isn't quite as perfect as that.

If it were would we need God would we need to pray and seek Him daily. If there was nothing tripping us or making us lean on Him, nothing making us draw strength from Him along, WOULD WE?

I don't think I would.

Shoes and cupcakes.

Sorry for the lull.

I moved out here to Omaha and started a new job the end of February. The move went well.  Fit almost everything in my car and the family van.  Had to leave my bike and guitar (I'm not very good at playing; its one of those life goals I don't want to give up on) behind and forgot a few things like my stash of chocolate and my magnet from London. I got my room set up and have settled into in nicely. I don't even notice the freezer running at night anymore. Its about a foot and a half away from my bed.

Work is going well. I work at Cupcake Island. Omaha's first cupcake shop. I feel as if I fit in more and more each day. I have been able to get some baking in and there are always cupcakes to frost. Other than my feet hurting at the end of the day (I just ordered a pair of real shoes for work) because of bad shoes choice for standing up all day I can't complain.

The weather is slowly warming up we have some chilly days but the sun is out more and more. Thursday is the first day of spring and its beginning to look like it too.

last week

I sit in my living room at home for my last saturday night. In a week a new season will begin. I honestly don’t know what to think about it. Home has always been home. I have left for years at a time but always come back to it. But this time there may not be a back. Its a bit sad. I like my home. I am familiar with it. I know what floor boards creek. I know how to get around in the dark without walking into anything. I have lived in my bedroom since I was like 7. Thats almost 20 years. Thats a long time. Its going to be a rough parting. I love my room with slanted ceilings, little windows and a half bath. I will miss my seat at the dinner table. I will miss running across the road to get the mail. I will miss my dog, even if he annoys me when I’m cooking. I will miss those moments where we just sit or cuddle in silence. He’s always been there for me. I will miss my daddy. Watching tv in the evenings. Running errands together. Fixing and building together. I will most of all miss saying good night to him.

So as I look at my last week at home it will be filled with packing, and goodbyes not just to people but to my home.