Day 26.

A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 25

So this day was a duplicate of a prior one so I made up my own. My family is slightly complicated not in the divorced and remarried way but in the exchange sibling way. My family has hosted many exchange students to which we call brother or sister still. This always makes the question "How may siblings do you have?" complicated.

This is Suni. She was our first. We graduated High School together. Picture taken when we visited her last summer in China.

This is Siewi/ C-way. Here he is planting grandma's corn. Also from China.

This is Mean. She is picking the corn Siewi planted. She was with us when Kt was a senior. She is from Thailand

On the two ends we have Tabrina from China (in pink) and Rie from Japan (in White.)

Here is the whole family when Joseph from Sierra Leone, Africa and Takumi from Japan were with us. 

Each student/ sibling taught us something about ourselves. Suni now lives in Chicago finishing school. And Joseph is working on moving back to go to college. Hopefully my parents will continue to host. So those are my siblings.

Day 24. (long delayed)

A picture of what I would find in your bag

So its late. And I am in my room and my bag/purse is downstairs. So here are some google pics of what you would find in it on a normal basis. Tonight though its filled with books. The bible, Redeaming Love, My journal, and another book that our cell group is reading I have temporarily forgotten the name. I just got back from cell. Thus why they are there.

Kind of boring I know but really all the essentials one would need. 

Another Sunday's Thoughts.

So I sit here in my home (parents house). I sit in America. Not in Africa where my heart longs to be. Each day I wonder when I will go back. If I will go back. The longer I am here the more I start to believe that I wont go back. I know its a lie. There is no way that I would have a passion and a heart for orphans and the unwanted in Africa if I wasn't to have anything to do with it. But this morning I was wondering could I be missing something bigger and better. Could I be so fixated on Africa that I miss what He has for me here and now? What a scary thought. I want so much to do His will and follow Him and have my life be His. What if focusing on Africa is hindering that? What if I let go and let God? What if I stop trying to get myself to Africa and let the Lord do it when He has planned. Gotta be honest this will be VERY hard. I have an application sitting next to me for a two year trip half done. Does that mean that I quite filling it out? 

With one of my Boys (Wawa) in South Africa.

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so difficult at time. It seems that more than not its confusing and complicated.

Monkey cake.

I spent my evening making a cake and some cupcakes for my nephew. I went into it not wanting to do it but needing to. His party is tomorrow. I was lucky though to get the kitchen let alone the whole house to myself for all but 10 minutes of it. I work best when people aren't watching me.

Dek's mom decided that his party would be monkey themed. So I went with that for the cake. I think it came out pretty good. It's only the third cake I have made. I am getting better with each one. I am excited to show him his cake tomorrow even if he is only one.

active waiting

I find myself waiting again. This time I am not waiting on humans but on the Lord. I suppose that is better though. I am trying to decided if it should be a still wait or a active wait.

Do I rest and wait till I get full directions on when and where to go? 

Or do I keep knocking on doors till I find one that opens?

This is something that I have always wonder about. I want to life for the Lord. I want my life to be what He wants it to be and not what I want it to be. What does that look like when I don’t know what He wants yet?  I know that the Lord has put Africa in and on my heart. I want to be back there more than anything else in life right now. I also know that He knows the desires of my heart (He kind of put them there). He doesn’t forget.

His time is perfect. I know that He and His plan is far better than mine. So do I rest and wait or continue to knock on doors?

Just a few thoughts on a sunday evening.

day 23.

Your favorite book, and why its your favorite.

This book tells you what flavors are good with each other. You can look up just about any food item and it tells you what would be good with it.  A must for the chefs out there. I use it all the time.

They are worth it.

Yesterday I promised you another blog. I will try to explain my heart as best as I can.

This weekend I heard a comment that went straight to my heart. This comment went something like this: “We don’t take HIV+ kids because they don’t have a future. They are just going to die.”  This was relating to orphanages that an organization has over in Africa. The goal of their schools are to raise and teach children who can change their country and the cycle that they are in.

Why did this hurt? Well, for starters, who is to say how long any kids with HIV will live. With the ARVs and other drugs out there they could live long into adulthood. In those years they can change their country. And, I believe the world.

How much more powerful would it be for a HIV+ person to spread the message of HOPE and change?

I have worked with many HIV+ children. Most of them I never knew they were + but each of them changed me and how I think.

Aren’t we all going to die? Even people without HIV. Sorry but its the truth. And the truth is none of us know how long. We could be out lived by HIV+ orphans. If that was a reason not to let children have a education or chance in the world why do any children go to school? Why has my sister spent the past four years paying for higher education to be able to teach in schools if her students are just going to die.

Now the biggest thing that bugs me about this whole thing is these people have decided that these children are not worth their time, money and energy. They like a lot in the world are walking past these children. They are punishing these children for something that wasn’t their fault. Just about all children under the age of 5 cannot be blamed for their HIV status. Most get it from their mothers and others unfortunately get it from being abused. Who are we to make them suffer for that. They are still children who can laugh, sing, play, learn, skip, and anything else that other children around the world does. So why cant they go to school and get an education? Why cant they be loved?

Well I want to love them. I already do. When I heard this said something in me stirred. Something wanted to go out and do something about it right now. But till I have direction on what that is I will pray. And I ask you to pray with me. Pray that they will be loved and that those who think HIV+ orphans are untouchables will see the truth. That they are worth our wile and our time and our money and our hearts.

Day 22.

Something you wish you were better at.

Shaking off my feet again.

As I sit here with a cake in the oven. Is my Grandmothers 81st birthday. I think about the weekend I have just had. I went to Florida to check out an option to go to Africa. To push open a door.

I flew down Friday night. The 20 of us from all over the states were all invited to dinner at the presidents house to get to know the organization and each other. I was encouraged that evening. There is just something about being in a room with others who share a passion. I don't get that much here at home. I'm kind of on my own here. Then Saturday was a day of sitting. Lots of session filled with information. Lots and lots of information. And lots and lots of sitting. There was an enjoyable lunch and dinner involved then a few of us stayed longer to hear about what it takes to go out long term with them.

This is where the weekend changed. Besides a moment earlier in the day. There will be another blog about that. A list of No's came out. Meaning people they don't want. Each one seemed to fit me. They don't want Roman Catholics. I was one for 19 years. I don't practice it anymore but its still part of me. They don't want people who speak in tongues. I don't as of today but i am not against it. They don't want charismatics. Charismatics believe in miracles, prophecy, speaking in tongues, and other spiritual gifts as described in 1Corinthians 12-14 of the Bible. I have seen miracles first hand and cant deny them. I have prophesied and been prophesied to. I completely believe in the spiritual gifts. They don't want Pentecostals. I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit. On a lesser note they had listed in their manual no tattoos. Those you can't really take off. I am proud of mine (an Africa outline on my foot) and don't want to hide it. Also mentioned they don't want rebels. I don't think of myself as one but many I think would. I don't do the normal thing. I would say I am more radical then rebel.

So the conclusion from the weekend is this door is not the right shape for me. They are doing a wonderful thing but we do not see the same way nor think the same way. I am  slightly bewildered as to why I went down there and spent the money. Why the Lord would allow me to get excited and then allow me to be hit with the "You are not what we want/ You don't have what it takes".

I wonder if I am learning the shake-the-dust-off-your-feet lesson.  I have gone through this painful process so much lately. I just wish I knew why. But the Lord is good and He always has a plan.

Day 21

 A picture of an exercise you can’t do, but would like to try (and then try it if you want to) 

I have always wanted to be good at Yoga.  I am not so good.

Day 20

A picture of somewhere you would love to travel to.

Vic Falls.